Beach Brouhaha #4 - UAE decency law pop quiz

These pictures are from the Gulf News newspaper and were part of an article on the UAE decency laws. See how many you can get right...answers are below.
1. Kissing in public is illegal? True or False

2. Holding hands in public is illegal? True or False

3. Cross dressing is illegal. True or False

Answers:

1. True. Thats right, no smoochy smoochy.

2. False. Holding hands is fine. However, I think the pink bikini is being appealed to a higher court.

3. True. Cross dressing is illegal, but as long as the skirts are kilts then you are safe. The guy in the middle doesn't really look too Scottish now does he? Perhaps further investigation is needed.

Now we are off to the Emirates Palace http://www.emiratespalace.com/ for the weekend to celebrate our 26th wedding anniversary. We will be only driving 2 blocks to our getaway, but I am very excited about our "trip". I will have a full report next week.

Beach Brouhaha #3 - It's a "fell"ony

This sign is posted in all dressing rooms in the UAE

It is hard for foreigners to understand the level of modesty here in the Middle East. As this sign points out, it is against the law to undress fully in any public area including all-male or all-female locker rooms. That's right...if my towel fell off in the ladies' locker room at the Hilton, I will have committed a crime. Falling towels are illegal and I could go to jail. This modesty is not just for ladies either. My sources tell me that local males don't use urinals unless they are enclosed in a stall...and I'm thinking that is pretty much all I need to say about that.

As I mentioned in my last blog, the "incident on the beach" has caused a huge crackdown by the vice squad along with a lot of public awareness programs to refresh our knowledge of the local laws. In the next post, I will share with you the latest information from this week's paper....

Beach Brouhaha #2 - Gay or Nay

The incident on the beach means that now the eyes of the world are on Dubai. The government sees this as an opportunity to do a big crackdown on all forms of lewd behaviour especially homosexuality. The vice squad is out in force, the radar (or GAYdar) is cranked up to the highest level and they are rounding up gays and cross dressers by the dozens. This task must be especially hard because one of the first things you notice upon arriving here in the Middle East is that men walk around holding hands and often touch noses when they meet. This is just seen as a form of friendship, but you know this is causing all kinds of mayhem and confusion.
To be continued.....

Beach Brouhaha

I believe this story made the national news, but in case you didn't hear of it I will recap.


A British ex-pat in her 30's, who worked here in the UAE, met a guy named Vince at a boozy brunch at the Le Meridian in Dubai. Much champagne was consumed and "Vince Charming" suggested a walk on the beach. One thing led to another...the couple got frisky, a policeman told them to stop, they didn't and they were arrested. They face up to 6 years in prison and she has now lost her job.


We all may agree that this should be against the law. However, we would also have to agree that this story probably wouldn't have even made the papers if it had happened in Europe or America. Our Western ways seem so much more inappropriate when juxaposed against the strict conservatism of the Middle East.


Here are the laws....




...and it should be more than embarrasing to the Westerners that the UAE government should have to spell these things out to protect themselves from "Western" behavior.

Red Alert

I had an interesting Mah Jong morning. Several English ladies had been to the States recently and all were very upset with their treatment upon entering the country. There was an elevation of the security level here in Abu Dhabi and that seemed to trigger extra hassles for these poor middle-aged mah jong ladies with UAE stamps in their passports. One was detained for 4 hours in Phoenix of all places and swore she would never go back. Of course I apologized profusely and promised to come play mah jong with them in jail if it ever happened again. Americans can rest assured that your country is being protected against the threat of ladies that like to drink tea, eat toast and play with little chinese tiles.

Mah jong case or nuclear bomb???...you never know.


I know that I need to write about the fifth and final pillar of Islam, the Hajj, and I plan on doing that very soon. However, there has been much brouhaha over a British couple that got frisky on a beach in Dubai and are now in jail. I feel I need to spend my efforts investigating that while the news is fresh. Don't worry readers, the Hajj isn't going anywhere and I promise I will get to it eventually.





PS: The Mexican food dinner went over very well. I ended up buying a container of guacamole at Spinneys since I couldn't find Velveeta to make queso. Well, it just so happens that what Spinneys calls guacamole is actually queso, so I just put it out with some chips and they loved it.

"Hot" off the Press...The News from Abu Dhabi

As promised, here is my gripe about the heat. It got up to 110F today. The wind is coming in from the desert now and hits the ocean and it is like living in an steam oven. I left a window open the other day and when that hot air hit the air conditioned air, I created my own little weather system upstairs complete with clouds and mist. The marble floors were covered in water and there was fog...quite the little science experiment.

There is a rumor that the weather center in Dubai is forging the temperture readings. Construction workers are not supposed to work in the direct sun when the temperature hits 122F. Areas around Dubai are hitting 122F and higher, while Dubai manages to stay at least 20 degrees cooler???? It is a mystery for sure. In 6 weeks it will be Ramadan and these guys get to work in the heat w/0 water all day. I truly don't know how they do it.

We have had to give up our Corniche walks and are now walking in the mall. This is great because it is air conditioned and we can look at stuff while we walk. I especially like the lap that takes us by Chanel, Dior and Gucci. Nice scenery I must say. We make 4 laps and pass by a pizza place and each time they try to hand us menus and seat us, we must look hungry. Then there are the perfume shops that try to squirt us...maybe we look smelly too.

Queso Closed

I'm having a little dinner party this weekend for some of the guys that are bachn' it while their families are on home leave. I'm making mexican food and am in a frantic search for Velveeta for queso. Velveeta is one of those items that you either find crates of it at Spinneys or none at all. Well, all I have to say is that Spinneys picked a fine time to have a processed cheese shortage. Maybe one of Iran's missles went awry and it hit the Velveeta ship and now we have a Velveeta spill in the ocean. What an environmental nightmare that must be because you know that stuff doesn't float. What makes it worse is that all the American expat wives have gone for the summer and I have no one to gripe to about this situation. You see, when American expat wives get together we love to gripe....we can't help it...that's what we do. There are plenty of British and Aussie expat wives around, but they all have that stiff upper lip thing going on and are no fun to gripe with. Plus, they think Velveeta is disgusting. Americans acutally need to take lessons from the Brits ...they are so good at being expats. They were expats back when we weren't even a country. Maybe we need to drink more tea and play more cricket....and eat less Velveeta.

Where angels fear to tread and where pooper scoopers are not needed

I have lived in Abu Dhabi for two years and I have seen two dogs. One was being walked by an German lady at a park and the other one was a hunting dog at a gun show. The Arabs may love their camels and their falcons, but they don't feel the same about dogs. Dogs are considered unclean and it is said that angels will not enter a house with a dog. I guess they worry about stepping in dog poop just like we do.

In Britain, this is causing problems because police with sniffer dogs have been entering the houses of Muslims without getting the okay from the angels. In order to be politically correct, these dogs will now have to wear special booties so they do not come in direct contact with the floor. I have a feeling this practice will not catch on in the States.

The exception to this belief are the hunting dogs called salukis. The angels don't mind these because I assume they are considered working dogs and therefore exempt from the unclean status.

In case you are wondering, the cat population more than makes up for the lack of dogs. There are so many cats that an organization named Feline Friends has been set up to take care of the strays and orphans.

Pillar #4 Giving Alms to the Poor (aka "pillar guilt")

When I left last April, we had been discussing the 5 pillars of Islam. We covered

#1. Allegiance to Allah and his prophet (3/17/09 - 4/2/08)

#2. Praying 5 times a day (4/3/08 - 4/6/08)

#3. Fasting during the month of Ramadan (9/11/07 - 10/04/07)


So now we will resume our pillar talk with ...

#4. Giving of alms to the poor



My uneducated observations are that they do a very nice job of this. There are as many beggars as there are dogs on the streets....ZERO (I'll write more on the dogs later). The Sheik seems to take a patriarical approach towards his people. He sees them as his family and of course takes very good care of them. There is poverty among the guest workers from other countries and some are treated very poorly, but for the most part, I see a lot of good deeds.



The Red Crescent is their version of our Red Cross and for obvious reasons they would rather have a crescent as their symbol than a cross. In the West, the Red Crescent doesn't get much press, but they do amazing humanitarian deeds. When you hear the term "International Red Cross", this usually means a joint effort between the Red Cross and the Red Crescent.

This motto was from their mission statement....

"To provide aid and assistance to the needy
Rescue the grieved
Relief (sic) the victims
wipe the tears and draw smiles"



The good news is if you mess up on one of the other pillars, you can always make up for it by donating some extra alms. There are Red Crescent booths everywhere and this may explain why their donation jars are always full..."pillar guilt" is good for business.

Celebrating the 4th in a Foreign Land

Warden Message # 16/2008 - 4th of July and Worldwide Caution
To All American citizens in the UAE:
As we enter the busy summer travel and holiday season, including plans for 4th of July celebrations around the UAE, Embassy Abu Dhabi and Consulate General Dubai wish to remind American citizens about the general security situation in the Middle East, as outlined below in the current Worldwide Caution. The Embassy and Consulate General wish to advise Americans that potential exists for terrorists to plan and carry out violent actions in the region, including the UAE, and for this reason Americans should maintain a high level of personal security awareness at all times, particularly in public places.

With the security level heightened, you may wonder how we celebrated the 4th of July in the Middle East. Low key and in a top secret location so as not to blow our alias as Canadians??? Well no. What we did was to dress in red, white and blue and piled into a local hotel that was decorated with red, white and blue. We had Uncle Sam and Pocahantas in a buckskin bikini and that probably threw some suspicion our way. But just in case Al Qaeda didn't know where to find us, we had a giant fireworks show (thank you Exxon) that could be seen all the way to Iran. Having said that, there was a metal detector and it was turned on and we did have to wear american flag stickers (aka targets) for "security". I hope Mahmoud Ahmadinejani enjoyed the show.

Sweaty Betty is Back in the Saddle

I'm back in Abu Dhabi for the summer, ready to meet the demands of my fans (ummm...that would be you Sarah) and get back in the blogging saddle. I was in Texas last summer so I was unable to bring you insights into the joy that is the Middle East in July. There will be a lot of complaining about the heat and the humidity. Many bad hair days will be ahead and I will be glad to share all that with you. Aqua Net has met its match here in the Middle East and I'm seeing the wisdom of donning the burka.

I know there is a lot of concern back in the USA about the price of oil and I'm here to tell you the sad news that pretty much no one in Abu Dhabi is losing any sleep over it. However, you can rest assured that your oil dollars are going to good causes such as enabling Saudi princes to add more diamonds to their cars. Last night we attended the grand opening of a beautiful new beach here in town. You probably had a part in the building of that and I want to thank you all for the free cotton candy. It is going to be an interesting summer and I hope you will join me.