Stirring up a little Wahala with the Bubas

Today I visited the American Consulate to get more pages in my passport. Lagos is no longer the capital of Nigeria because the government got fed up with all the city's problems. Instead of trying to fix Lagos, they just moved to Abuja....you know the "out of sight out of mind" approach.

I took a book thinking that this could take at least 45 minutes. Four hours later, I'm still sitting in the waiting room. I'm the only oyibo (white person, means "no skin") and well let's face it....after a month of being "the madame", I am not amused.

The first hour was actually entertaining watching the crowds line up for US visas. The parade of colorful attire and head wraps put me in a happy mood...Nigerians can make anything a party. Grannies and and Grampas in matching bubas clutching giant photo albums made me laugh and wish that the marines hadn't confiscated my camera. If I was in charge, I would have let all these bright people in.

I'm still hopeful at this point. This is the American Consulate...surely this process will be organized and American-like. After 3 hours, I finally am handed the form to fill out and told that it will be another hour. After the hour is up I am told the printer is broken and I have to come back. Now I'm really ready to create a little "wahala" (trouble). I tell them to try again. Eventually the pages were printed and no one got hurt.

TIAA (this is American Africa)

Update: I was telling my fellow Madames of my unpleasant experiences at the US Consulate and they all just shook their head. I was then told that no one goes to the Consulate themselves. That is what your driver is for!!!!! He does all the waiting and deals with that for you while you sit on the veranda and eat bon bons. Now they tell me!!!! This is why there needs to be a Madame Manual.

Communicable Disease Sing Along

Lassa fever is a communicable disease found in West Africa and caused by contact with rats. A few years ago, the Center for Disease Control had the bright idea to educate the populations of these countries through catchy songs recorded on cassette tapes and distributed throughout the villages. Here are some examples of the lyrics...

Lassa no go come again-o

if ya cover your water

Lassa no go come again-o

If you cover your food

Lasso no go come again-0

Oh do ya never go eat a rat-a

If you eat a rat-a you go get Lassa fever

If your throat de hot, if your eye de red, your back de hard and your body de warm,

No way na Lassa you don't get so

Now I know that my readers are smarter than the CDC and can see the problem with this scheme. If you are poor enough to be eating rats, then you probably won't have the latest stereo system or even the electricity to run it. So thousands of cassette tapes sit in warehouses and Lassa fever is still with us.

TIA (this is Africa)

After Dinner Corn

I asked Fabian to buy some sweet corn at the market today and was wondering why he didn't serve it with dinner. I discovered why when he cleared off our dinner plates and brought in dessert. There in our dessert bowls was a little something "sweet" in the form of two ears of sweet corn.

Lagos transportation

If you do not have a driver, you can still get around Lagos in a variety of ways....



The Lagos Bus System

The newest form of transport...the keke or tuk tuk

(good for the rainy season)




Bicycle ...I think

Motorcycle taxis called Okadas





....not so good for the rainy season

...this guy brought his own airbag

And finally, if you enjoy close personal constact with others in an unairconditioned enviroment, then Mr. Pee's shuttle bus (danfo) is for you

The Bodyguard

In addition to Dotun, I also must have a bodyguard on team "Driving Miss Juli". David's bodyguards are all the big burly guys that eat nails for lunch, while I pretty much have the B-team. They like long walks on the beach and poetry. At the slightest sign of trouble my bodyguards could easily run the 100 yard dash in record time...in the opposite direction. The only deterrent I can count on is their body odor which could repel most kidnappers in a 5 mile radius. If I go out with a friend and we take her car and driver, then I have to BYOB (Bring your own Bodyguard). I seem to have a new one every day and I've given up learning all their names so to make things easy, I call them all Kevin.

Driving Miss Juli

Here is Dotun, my driver.

Here is Dotun on "casual" Friday

Dotun's job is simple. Drive Miss Juli....then wait for Miss Juli....then drive Miss Juli somewhere else. The ratio of driving to waiting is probably 10% driving, 90% waiting. So you would think Dotun would be a patient man...ooohhh nooo. He is in such a hurry to get me places that he gets consumed with road rage at the slightest delay. He is only calmed by the sound of his ring tone which is the first ring tone I've ever heard that is a preacher preaching a sermon. It goes...."You are blessed in your body, you are blessed in your spirit, you are blessed in your finances"....I don't know how many blessings are bestowed before it goes to voice mail, but you get the idea. I feel blessed just being in the car, because without Dotun....I go nowhere.