Surviving with the staff part 3 - meet Simeon the Gardener

Here is a picture of our garden...what is missing? Why it is the gardener!!

What is the question I ask the most? It is "Where is Simeon?" You see Simeon may be hired to be a gardener, but he has much bigger plans. Some day he wants to run his own PR firm, and then onto politics I'm sure. After Obama's victory, everyone here in Africa is running for political office....I guess Barack made it look easy. Anyway, gardening is only a short step on Simeon's ladder of success and he is not looking to make a career out of pruning my bougainvillea. Some day when he is famous I'll be able to say that he is the same Simeon that forgot to water my plants and weed my flowerbeds!!!

Look, could it be? Are my eyes playing tricks? It seems I have captured one of the rarest sights in all of Africa. It is Simeon ....and wait a minute...he appears to be...working!!!!

Surviving with the staff part 2 - meet Josephine the Stewardess

If you were wondering what ever happened to all the food that I bought and blogged about in "My Pantry is an Andy Warhol Painting" on 11-19-08, here is the end result. The person responsible for this organized pantry is pictured here. Her name is Josephine and she is our stewardess (house keeper). She did throw 3 of David's suits in the washing machine and dryer, but I assured him that Bermuda shorts on men were acceptable work attire here in the tropics. We forgave her simply because you really don't want to mess with Josephine..... she can be scary. She is also responsible for keeping all our water bottles full of clean water from the distilling beast, so you really want to stay on her good side. The minute I get up, she is making up my bed and cleaning my bathroom. I never have dirty towels or wrinkled clothes because I use the Josephine system.

Surviving with the Staff - Meet Fabian, the cook

This is Fabian, the cook...named after the teen idol of the 1950's

Just like teenage girls were won over by Fabian's sweet melodies, I too have been won over by this Fabian's sweet, sweet carrot cake and oatmeal cookies

This morning I slept late and woke up without an appetite...probably my stomach shutting down in preparation for all those bacteria I ingested while brushing my teeth with tap water the night before. When I went downstairs....yes I have to get dressed and fix my hair to go downstairs so the staff won't see me in my usual state of morningnesss...Fabian the cook was broken hearted that I didn't want an omelet or at least some toast. I had to tell him that he could boil some water for tea and that was about all I wanted. I really felt like I let him down, so I told him I would eat a large meal for lunch. A few hours later I come down to the dining room table (yes we eat in the dining room because the staff hang out in the kitchen and it wouldn't do to hang there too.) A plate heaping with fried shrimp and french fries was waiting for me and yes I ate every bite because I didn't want to disappoint Fabian again. The kitchen is now his domain, and I'm okay with that...hey, what kitchen? The main thing I needed a kitchen for anyway was a place to put down my purse. Now that I don't have a domain, I will just carry it around until I figure out where I belong. Meanwhile, I must go...Fabian is calling and dinner is ready.

Surviving without the Staff

Today was the staff's day off and we survived, but just barely. The kitchen is no longer my turf...therefore I have no idea where anything is. I don't mean the garlic press or paring knife, I mean like plates and glasses. In Nigeria, it is very common for things not to be as they seem, much like Alice in Wonderland. Glasses might be in the study and the plates in the living room.

We had no idea what to eat. The fruits and vegetables must be prepared by washing them in distilled water and a bleach solution, and the water must come from the special purifying, distillery machine thingy which is very loud and scary. Who knew killing germs was so noisy. I think we can actually brew up some homemade moonshine on this thing.

We have giant bottles of this special water all over the house. Under my sink in the bathroom, I must have 20 giant water bottles. Every fridge is full of them. I put one next to my bed every night. Of course I still finding myself forgetting all this and using the tap when I brush my teeth even though there is a giant bottle of pure water right next to it. I've boiled my toothbrush several times, but I have a sinking feeling that I'm a goner. I'm ready for Monday to get here.

Meeting Friday on a Saturday and planning for Sunday

Okay, I slept through pancakes this morning...darned jet lag...but I did get to enjoy the lunch prepared by the cook, Fabian. I was worried that it would take me awhile to get used to being waited on hand and foot but by lunch I was onboard. Then I took a nap while they unpacked all my boxes.... and I'm thinking "life is beautiful".
In the light of day, the lizards that had been crawling on the roof looked much less menacing and were actually kind of cute with their little spikey heads. We took the entourage out and went to see the country club and grocery stores. It was all pretty much what I expected....you can get most anything you need as long as you are willing to pay a lot for it.
Dinner was Mexican food at a place called "Bottles". It got the name from old gin bottles that had been thrown in the river and now decorate the cafe. We met the manager whose name is Friday and he invited us to take a bottle (which I forgot). I didn't forget my leftover fajitas though, because the cook has Sunday off and I don't want to be starving on Sunday, now do I?

African blue eyes

I am writing this blog from Lagos, Nigeria where we have recently moved. I have been here for about 9 hours...so far so good. I wanted to share with you some of observations of the last few hours since I am up in the middle of the night with jet lag and I don't know how to work the tv yet.

When the company brings you to a new location, they always provide you with a ONE-WAY business class ticket. Much in the same way that a guy would try to impress a girl on the first date, the company is trying to win you over. Hey it works!!! Of course after you are won over...it is back to coach for you. Alas, it was good while it lasted.
I was warned that the Lagos airport would be chaos, but it was fine...easier in many ways than DFW and the friendliest passport control workers ever. I got pulled over at customs. I'm thinking...oh no...did I take all the tags off my new "stock up and save" Gap t-shirts and curvy-fit capri pants?, but my "handler" informed them that my husband was MD of an oil company. (MD??? Main Dude?, Mr. David?, pretty sure he wasn't practicing medicine, but who knows) All of a sudden he said,"I must speak with your husband". I said "what for" and he said "tell him I want him to give me a job!" I like the way customs works here, no danger of my luggage getting confiscated when I know Dr. Dave.
I finally see David and his body guard and we are whisked into a Land Cruiser. I can hardly open the door because of the weight of the bullet-proof metal and glass. We start driving off and I see another Land Cruiser with flashing lights behind us. Shouldn't we get over?, the cops want to get by. But David informs me that the lights are for us and then I notice that we have flashing lights in front too. Wow...my first motorcade. Of course all the other drivers ignore us, but I'm kind of liking this. I meet my driver, Dotun, and he looks like a lot of fun. Josephine the stewardess also stops by and she seems very nice. We also have a gardener and a cook....didn't meet them yet. I've been informed that pancakes will be served at 8:30...just like the Holiday Inn Express.
David shows me how all the locks work...we basically sleep in a safe room with bars over all the windows and serious locks on all the doors. David warns me that there are giant lizards that run over the roof at night and make a giant ruckus...hmmm that is going to make for sweet dreams.
I will work on getting some pictures of the staff, but for now you will have to go with the images that my jet lagged words provide.