My Pantry is a Warhol Painting

For most of our international moves, we have not been able to bring food with us; however, a move to Africa is the exception. We are told to bring pretty much everything we need for a full year and today was a good day for buying in bulk. I bought obscene amounts of detergent, cream of mushroom soup, printer paper, coffee filters etc. The Velveeta boat must have just unloaded here in Abu Dhabi because the shelves were overflowing with the golden bricks and that was a glorious sight.
I was able to figure out how many pounds of Tide we needed by using a complicated secret algebraic equation that equaled my weight at the end of freshman year....but Tide doesn't expire. A year's supply of Velveeta....hmmm...how much is that? What if I get too greedy and buy too much Velveeta and it expires and I have to throw it away? It is actually like gold and if I'm going to make queso for you in Africa, you have to be pretty special. Just like some people get out their 100 year old brandy for special occasions....that is how I feel about my Velveeta. What if I don't buy enough...can I get it on the black market? Anyway, what if I can't get tortilla chips to dip in the queso? My head is spinning as I come to the ugly reality of how much Velveeta I eat in year....you could build a large wall with my year's supply of Velveeta bricks. Walls of Velveeta and mountains of Tide...this is what packing for Africa looks like.